Friday, August 18, 2006

Exclusive: Other issues too politicized to discuss

As you may have heard, the Conservative government has decided not to make any HIV/AIDS-related announcements just now, what with the World Aids Conference happening in Toronto, because the issue has become too politicized (quell surprise! – ed).

As a public service, I reprint this memo obtained through my super secret Parliament Hill sources that outlines other issues the Prime Minister has deemed “too politicized” for discussion at the present time.


From: The Right Honourable Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada

To: Conservative MPs, staffers, party executives

Re: Your non-talking points

Dear little people,

Greetings from Canada’s North, where I’ve planned to be this week for a really, really, really long time. Really.

As you are aware, your government has courageously decided not to make any announcements on the future of Vancouver’s safe injection site or AIDS funding this week, due to a highly politicized environment that is in no way related to my decision not to attend the World AIDS Conference in Toronto. I know you all support this decision, don’t you? Of course you do.

After careful consideration, I am expanding the list of politically sensitive topics you will not be talking about until further notice from Sandra. It just won’t do.

Health care: It’s just way too political right now. Two-tier, public vs. private, I mean come on. Way too politicized, don’t talk about health care.

Fiscal im/balance: Crazy political. Quebecers want us to do what we campaigned on, Ontario wants more, Saskatchewan is uppity. Too political, zip it on the fiscal imbalance.

Afghanistan: Some people support the mission, some don’t. Is it peacekeeping or peacemaking. Everyone’s talking about it, it’s way too political. No more talking about it.

Israel and Hezbollah
: Do I need to even explain how that one is political? Girlfriend, puhleaze.

And basically, anything related to politics, just don’t talk about it. Politics has become so politicized. So has government, so don’t talk about governing at all either.

As a guide, here’s a few suggested talking points you can use:

The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy nor Roman nor an empire. Discuss

A thighmaster is neither a thigh nor a master. Discuss.

Duran Duran was neither Duran nor Duran. Discuss.

That’s it for now. They’re taking me on a ride to see how non-existent global warming is not impacting the North. That AIDS thing is over Friday so I’m heading back home soon.

Yours in conservatism,


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burlivespipe said...

Will the MsM have the cajones to call Harpor on this ~ this idea that nothing will be announced during the convention because the issue is too 'politicized' reeks of 'putting them in their place'. Imagine how the world would operate if all the leaders took this position
BUSH: Helen, i am the decider, Karl is not hiding behind the curtain, and i've decidered not to talk about Iraq because, darn it, it's just too politicized.
CHURCHILL: Friends, countrymen, the Huns are at the gate, but it would be too politicized to talk about their bombing our good city. Goodnight.
MARTIN LUTHER KING: I have a dream, that sees all people of all colours sharing sidewalks, churches and -- well, it's just too politicized to talk about.

Where do we find the rightful leader of Canada? I think his last ball must have melted during the 'non-global warming' tour of the north...

Penny said...

You'd think Canadian Sovereignty in the Northwest Passage was somewhat politicised too - at least as far as the good folks to the south are concerned.

I guess our Steve is saying, when we can all agree with him, then he'll talk about it??

Or when there's no danger of being defeated on an AIDS or safe-injection-site related bill, he'll talk?

Or perhaps he hasn't had time to check his position with Karl Rove??

I mean, isn't the guy a... er ... politician?? Isn't speaking to political subjects what we pay him to do?

Anonymous said...

Just between us girls...

It WAS too politicized. If Harper had walked in the first day and announced a doubling of Canada's commitment, he would have been booed.

3000 media, and Stephen Lewis. The whole thing was a joke. Was anything important discussed? I couldn't tell, all I got from CBC were old film clips and answers to "what do you think about our Bush poodle not being here? questions.



burlivespipe said...

yeah Tomm, this pm is obviously WWWAAAAYYYY above the 'politicized' acts of those bozos. i mean, c'mon already - it was a strategic move to snub Premier Dalton and speed off for 'an elect John Tory' dinner; or the proverbial weekly 'meetin' the peeps and my buddy Jean Charest', or making sure that there was room enuf for a staff photographer onboard of his rescue mission to cypress... Okay, he didn't want to stand before a possibly hostile crowd and be booed. Guess he won't be visiting Toronto/Vancouver/montreal anytime soon. But pulling the announcement? Isn't this the same crap of "What? You refuse to take my Gwyn as patronage king? Then I take back the whole idea..."
We can all see how small minded this PM is -- i've mentioned it before but i'll be brief for once: Pearson stood before a vocal Legion crowd and defended the idea of bringing in a new flag, taking the brunt of their feelings; Trudeau, before becoming PM, held his ground on a stage while angry separatists hurled items at him...
You call your guy a leader? I think he's shown himself to be a cold, calculating mutant. Nice to see that CanWest is selling him and his wife as kitten huggers during this whole mess.
He's a hypocrite: I guess his Bible omits the line of 'turn the other cheek' and doesn't promote caring for the sick and dying. Typical neo-christian crap.

knb said...

It WAS too politicized. If Harper had walked in the first day and announced a doubling of Canada's commitment, he would have been booed.

Wrong. If Harper had accepted the invitation initially, he would have been greeted as the PM of the host country, like we all expected him to. It wasn't politicized until he showed blatant disregard for the conference and sent Clement in his stead.

Personally, I'm not terribly comforted in having a leader that is afraid of some booing.

His non-announcement was a petulant, childish act. His apologists are equally childish in continously claiming, he couldn't go....he'd be booed. Ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

Well, this AIDS Conference was the most important one and it did have benefit. This one took the HIV/AIDS fight in another direction - prevention, human rights (especially women and children).

There's been no succes in finding a cure and so a different direction is needed and this conference was concentrating on that.

To say nothing accomlished is just wrong.

But, I guess, Harper doesn't find women's and children's (especially our aboriginal women and children who have a major problem with HIV/AIDS) important.

The only one who made it political was Harper himself, but then again, he never takes blame and
he never apologizes.
Speaks volumes to me.

Anth said...

Your the best!

Gazetteer said...

Ahhhh.....the framing around this one sure is gorgeous, eh?

And just in time for the fall season it will be time to try a new and improved one that has already been well tested down south.

So forget about 'politicized', that's so yesterday (or at least last week) and get ready for 'partisan' ....

Jihad_Joe said...

He would have been booed...the last PM to attend the conference was Mulroney, and he was shown absolutely no respect. So your points that he would have had respect is moot. Mulroney was promised he would be respected too.

You all know as well as I do that zero, zilch, nothing was accomplished at the conference, except your customary "blame whitey" protests.

Cerberus said...

Harper had no plans whatsoever to attend. His own people say they did not think it would get so politicized so clearly that was not the original reason for not going. He just doesn't care.

Great post, once again, Jeff. You are guest-blogging over at Cerberus today.

The Cyber Menace said...

I think this is just another example of how bad Liberals have been in opposition. They can't touch Harper, so they come up with these goofy lines of attack that only power-hungry Liberals find funny or resonating.

Harper hasn't talked about Afghanistan? Harper hasn't done the things he was elected for by the people? I mean, give me a break.

Just like those "Harpocryte" lines during statements in the House that the Liberals were using for a number of days. They were the saddest opposition attack lines I've ever heard.

Guy, get some actual material. You're going to need if if you want to actually beat Harper. Patting yourselves on the back and yelling "good one" ain't gonna cut it, I'm afraid.

A BCer in Toronto said...

Reading comprehension, menacing one. I didn't say they weren't talking about these things. In my fictional memo, these were other politicized things that would no longer be discussed in the future in keeping with the not discussing "politicized" things theme. The point was that the politicized excuse around the aids conference is crap, everything is political. They're politicans.