Saturday, November 03, 2007

Thoughts mentally composed at 36,000 feet over the Gulf of Oman

Dear person sitting behind me on the airplane,

Hey, how are you? These long flights sure do suck, don’t they? The complimentary wine helps. And thank-god for the personal tv screens and video on demand, because Die Hard 4 is even better the third time around.

Anyway, you’ll notice I haven’t reclined my seat back into your lap. It’s not just that I don’t find reclining my seat to make me particularly much more comfortable. It’s also that I get pissed off when the person in front of me does that, and I kind of believe in that whole do onto others thing, you know? So I make it a policy not to recline.

Speaking of doing onto others, did I mention how cool those personal tv screens are? They’ve really helped me pass some in-air time. Knocked-up is one funny ass movie. Sometimes, though, after my 34th lifetime viewing of the Shawshank Redemption (Morgan Freeman rocks) it’s time to flip off my screen, put on the complimentary British Airways eyeshades , pop in the foam ear plugs (mine, not BA’s) and try to get a little shut-eye. That’s hard to do when you’re pounding on your video screen with a hammer though. Because your video screen is in my seat, and I feel every jab in my back, making shut-eye impossible. Besides, like a lady, video screens don’t respond to brute force. Being gentle will get you better results, be your desire Lost World, Jurassic Park (what a lame remake) or Evan Almighty (Morgan kinda phoned this one in but Steve Carrel was funny). So be gentle.

And, in a similar vein, you know that pocket where you stuff your magazines? That’s also attached to my seat. Feel free to store your in flight necessities in there, please. But could you please try not to constantly kick your in flight necessities? Because you’re also kicking my back, and while the odd kick every now and again is understandable – hey, it’s a small space and shit happens – but every 2 minutes for 11 hours? That can’t be good for your in flight necessities. I know it’s not good for my back. Or for my sanity.

Maybe you’d find the kicking harder to do if my seat was reclined back into your lap? I’m just saying…

Sincerely,

The guy sitting in front of you trying to sleep

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3 comments:

s.b. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
s.b. said...

Jeff, I recommend turning around and actually communicating with this individual. It usually works, unless its a baby or small child. Then you are screwed, but politely asking a flight attendant to be moved away from the small child kicking your chair, while its parents sleep also usually works. If all else fails, it could be worse. I've had perfume sprayed on me (NOT ONCE BUT TWICE), by drunk people who were behind me while they continued to be served by flight attendants. That's really S.O.L.

Mike said...

I'm leaving for Vadodara on Friday...I'm really not looking forward to that flight...ug.