Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Angels and Demons II: Harper and the Holy Host

It was difficult but I think I, and the nation(s), had moved on from the Harper holy host wafer communion did he or didn't he brouhaha. And then Stephen opens mouth, and, well, the dear leader sayeth:

Prime Minister Stephen Harper has blamed the uproar over his handling of the Holy Communion host at former governor general Romeo LeBlanc's funeral mass on people trying to cause embarrassment and create division between Catholics and Protestants.

"People who want to cause embarrassment in religion and drive a wedge between Protestants and Catholics" are driving the controversy, Harper told a Catholic news agency in an exclusive interview after his meeting Saturday with Pope Benedict.

First, this story was dead and buried. Why are you resurrecting it, Stephen, and with wild conspiracy theories to boot?

Because really, Stephen Harper? You're the victim of some kind of religious-themed conspiracy to sow division between Roman Catholicism and Protestantism? Really??

I think someone has been reading too much Dan Brown. But just to be safe, we should really call in Robert Langdon to investigate.

He'll begin at the church in New Brunswick, then find a clue amongst the Gothic carvings of the Parliamentary Hill Library. It's the only part of the original parliament not destroyed by fire, a fire secretly begun by a secret cult of conspirators who came to Canada hidden amongst the United Empire Loyalists, but really trace their lineage to King Henry VIII and Martin Luther, and are determined to destroy the Holy Church once and for all. They're just waiting for the coming of The One.

From Ottawa, Langdon and Chantal, a beautiful young French-Canadian historian from Gatineau, will race to Montreal and Quebec City and then to Charlottetown, birthplace of confederation itself, then to Harper's childhood home in Leaside before the climatic ending in Calgary, at a stampede breakfast, where the truth is finally revealed and Harper can finally come out of hiding and blame it all on Michael Ignatieff, before sending-out Dimitri Soudas to correct him five minutes later.

Watch for it in summer 2010. Harper will be played by Daniel Baldwin.

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3 comments:

Lizt. said...

That movie aught To be good..I saw the first one, The second sounds great,...smash hit!
Harper said it, not anyone else, and I do not suppose anyone else was thinking about a division. Harper is the one doing that.

Lizt. said...

Whoops, how can we see it in 2008?

A BCer in Toronto said...

That's part of the mystery...