Harper is on guard for thee, but the instability contagion is spreading!

Be on watch, patriotic Canadians! There is a sinister danger lurking in our gentle land, an evil scourge that threatens our economy, our jobs, our economic recovery, even our families and our very way of life. What is this evil plague, you ask? Is it gingivitis? Well, that’s bad too, but no, I’m talking about: Instability!!

Yes, I know, it’s frightening, but it’s true. Instability has taken root in our land and is spreading. No one is safe. You, or your little dog Toto, could be next. Thankfully, we’re lucky enough to have a glorious leader in Stephen Harper with the foresight and bold vision to recognize this growing threat. And he is waging the battle against instability for you, Joe and Jane Canadian!

He recognized the growing threat of instability as far back as this summer, when the possibility of an election that would send Canadians to the polls to vote for their elected representatives threatened to give instability a beachhead into our democratic system:

"We do not need another round of political instability and another round of elections — we need parliament to focus on the economy," Harper said in Adstock, Que., as he announced a $225-million project to expand high-speed internet to rural areas across Canada.

Yes, our leader Stephen Harper had the foresight to know an election would give oxygen to the embers of instability and allow its flickering flames to burn our nascent recovery in the fiery fires of even more instability, but a kind that burned people and stuff.

NO! He declared, you stay away from Parliament, you dreaded instability! We need Parliament working, passing legislation, focusing on the economy, we need Parliament doing its work and not getting all unstable, and what not!

In September, seeing the instability still advancing, the Prime Minister launched another counterattack: get back, instability, we need Parliament on the job!

“The fact of the matter is that Canadians do not want an election, Canada does not need an election and an election is not in this country's best interest. We have important economic measures before Parliament. All the parties in Parliament should be focused on those measures and on the economy. The Leader of the Opposition should focus on our country's best interests.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper, Hansard, September 14, 2009.

Despite his valiant efforts though, instability proved to be a tenacious adversary. Despite Harper’s defences, and the ordering of plenty of instability vaccine, even if it arrived rather late, the instability was insidious and, rather than triggering an election, the instability mutated, and began to infect Parliament itself.

Instability, in our Parliament! We did not make this up! We’re not allowed to make this up.

Faced with this threat of instability in the very cradle of our democracy, with the infection beginning in the toe and spreading slowly up the leg, like a surgeon Stephen Harper had no choice but to do what he had to do to stop the spread of instability before it became life-threatening: cut off the foot.

"As soon as Parliament comes back, we're in a minority Parliament situation and the first thing that happens is a vote of confidence and there will be votes of confidence and election speculation for every single week after that for the rest of the year. That's the kind of instability I think that markets are actually worried about. But you know the government will be well-prepared and I think Canadians want to see us focus on the economy."

You see, he had no choice but amputation, er, prorogation! Yes, it was vitally important that we had Parliament on the job back in July to focus on the economy, that’s true. But that was before the instability infection had spread to Parliament. Now it had to be prorogued, for the good of the economy and Tim Horton’s and Hockey Night in Canada, before the instability spread further.

Let’s just hope that Harper finally has this nasty bout of instability beat, and that prorogation will do the trick. If the instability spreads to his cabinet, if the incompetent performances of his ministers begins to put the recovery at risk, he may have to resort to a cabinet shuffle.

Because if that doesn’t work, the instability could even infect the Prime Minister’s Office itself, and Stephen Harper could be out of a job.

And that would be pretty unstable indeed.

Well, for Mr. Harper, at least.

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