Tuesday, March 28, 2006

A secret cabal of MPs runs Canada’s government

A secret cabal of MPs runs Canada’s government
The first rule of “cabinet” is don’t talk about “cabinet”: insider

By Anita Bath
The Globe Times Post

While 308 people might be elected to the House of Commons, not all Members of Parliament are created equal.

A three-month long investigation by The Globe Times Post has learned a secret organization made-up of select Members of Parliament exists in Ottawa, exerting enormous influence over the activities of the Federal government, and in effect running the country.

Calling itself “The Cabinet” this group meets regularly to plot the business of the nation in line with Conservative Party of Canada principles and ideals. These location and timing of these meetings, and particularly what is discussed at them, is never, ever made public. In fact, even confirming one’s membership in this secret society would be enough to be banished from it, said one insider who spoke on condition of anonymity.

“The first rule about The Cabinet is don’t talk about The Cabinet,” said the source.

The Cabinet meets regularly at an undisclosed location in Ottawa, believed to be a room on the third floor of Parliament Hill’s Centre Block, not far from the Prime Minister’s Office, called “The Cabinet Room.” Media have never been allowed to enter, nor have they tried as it has long been assumed this was a storage room for armoires, but it now appears that seemingly innocuous name may have deeper meaning.

“I did wonder though why once a week security locked us in our offices,” said one reporter. This newspaper has confirmed this weekly imprisoning of the press coincides with times The Cabinet was believed to be secretly meeting.

And membership in this secret cabal does have its privileges. When one MP was “summoned to the cabinet” he found that overnight his pay had increased substantially. There were also other perks, like the limousine and driver that now takes him everywhere he needs to go, a bigger office and staff, and even access to a secret fleet of private government aircraft.

In exchange, the price for membership in the cabinet is a slavish devotion to the Prime Minister and the party line; even if it means abandoning previously deeply help principles and ideals, all in the name of cabinet solidarity.

This may explain the bizarre about face on the issue of floor crossing by Saskatoon-Rosetown-Biggar MP Carol Skelton, who The Globe Times Post has learned may be a member of the secret cabinet organization. Skelton, who had previously been outspoken against Members of Parliament crossing the floor and changing parties, was bizarrely silent on the issue when former Liberal MP David Emerson joined the Conservative Party a few weeks after the election for no apparent reason.

“That was last year,” said Skelton at the time. “We talked about it and…it’s one of those matters that is debatable.”

Skelton was whisked away by an unknown, Blackberry toting functionary before she could elaborate, or explain who the “we” she was referring to was. But a source says such embarrassing about-faces are the price of cabinet membership.

“That front-row seat in the House and the limousine don’t come without a price,” says one insider. “Sure, being in a secret society sounds glamorous and cool, but its really not. It’s a lot of long hours secretly running the country and remolding it to Conservative ideals.”

The exact size of the cabinet cabal is unknown, but members are each assigned areas of government to take responsibility for, from national defence and the law to foreign affairs and propaganda. But even within this secret cabal, it seems there are cliques. One insider confirms those cabinet members responsible for one of the Prime Minister’s five “priority areas” have a special status, while the others are required to keep a very low profile and avoid talking to members of the press.

The Globe Times Post tried to speak to the Prime Minister’s Office about the alleged existence of this secret cabinet organization, but a spokesperson for the PMO declined to comment.

“Why are you making things up when we give you so many good news stories to write about, like how much the Prime Minister loves hockey and Tim Horton’s?” said Sandra Buckler, the PM’s communications director. “We told you, when we have something to say we’ll be available. Now go away.”

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Dave said...

Good one!

williebee said...

Is this for real? How can this statement be confirmed...and who will substantiate it, especially from the Cons. How did this investigation even knew that this cabal exits. If it is real, it explains so much else that is going on with the cons...not only muzzle the message but also the messenger.

BlastFurnace said...

Hehehe. Now if only the byline wasn't Anita Bath but Hugh Jass or Heywood Jablome.

Mike said...

Niclely done.

A BCer in Toronto said...

I thought about using I.P. Freely or Ivanva Tinkle, but I decided to be conservative, so to speak...Besides Hugh Jass is a sports writer.