Monday, November 27, 2006

Who is in government again?

If you know, send an e-mail over to our friends in the NDP.

I’m on the NDP e-mail list and I regularly get fundraising pitches from their federal secretary, Eric Hebert-Daly, like the one where we were told that if we supported our troops we just had to send Jack Layton a cheque so he could bring them home from Afghanistan. I’m told they’re still there though, I guess Jack didn’t get enough to charter the Airbus.


Anyway, they sent out another e-mail today. This time they have an amusing little gimmick (don’t they always though? I loved the one where they pointed out that people identified as Liberal supporters actually were Liberal supporters, it was Pulizer worthy). They want to raise $13,500 by in a week to buy all the online advertising on globeandmail.com next Monday, the day people will be reading about the results of the Liberal leadership convention, so they can talk about how much the Liberals suck and the NDP rules.


Here’s a taste:


December 2nd, the Liberals will be choosing a new leader. They hope that with a fresh coat of paint, they'll be able to sell Canadians a rusty old car.


The Liberals are crossing their fingers - hoping voters don't look under the hood to see just how much damage 13 years of arrogance, inaction and corruption can cause.


When Canadians go online on Monday, they'll surely be hit by the Liberal spin. But thanks to you, they'll also get to check out the balding tires, the shot suspension, and the rusted out muffler.


OK, first of all, if there’s anyone in the House of Commons or in politics in Canada that resembles a used car salesman, it is sooooo Jack Layton. Second, the NDP is all about the smugness and arrogance. I guess they’re uniquely suited to judge Liberal arrogance then. After all, takes one to know one.


Anyway, having warned of the coming Liberal spin, now the NDP proceeds to make me extremely dizzy. Read all about it while I pop a gravol:


Let's not let voters forget who:

  • Gave us 13 years of failed environmental policy, with a worse record than George Bush
  • Arrogantly refused to enshrine childcare into law, allowing Harper's Conservatives to axe it
  • "Renewed" their party by recruiting dead people and accepting thousand dollar donations from the young children of drug executives
  • Didn't stand up to Harper on peace in Afghanistan.

OK crap, that’s a lot of lying BS to pack into four short bullet points, isn’t it? If I send Jack a cheque will he hire some better spinners? Heck, I’ll volunteer my services, because that’s just a tad embarrassing.


I’ll cop to a failed environmental policy, although the GWB line is lame. In our defence I’d say there aren’t easy answers on the environmental front, some progress was made, and Stephane Dion was getting a real plan in place before the NDP helped bring down the government, bringing Harper to power. Still, a mixed to bad record on the environment, yes.


Arrogantly refused to enshrine childcare into law? I can get how someone can refuse to enshrine something, but how does one do so arrogantly? Is it something like this?


Normal
: No thanks, I’d rather not enshrine it at this time. But thank-you for asking, and have a nice day.

Arrogantly
: Nooo, I won’t enshrine it you smelly peasant. Let them eat cake! And bring me my smoking jacket and slippers!


Maybe it had something to do with the fact there were still a few provinces left to sign deals with at the time the NDP teamed up with the separatists and the Conservatives to call the election that brought to power the guys that axed it. Opps!


OK, taking a shot against Volpe is just lame. It’s like picking on a two-year old. Moreover, he was forced to return the donations, and the other part is a lie. No dead people were signed-up. People passed away and were still on the list; when a loved one dies e-mailing the Liberal Party membership office usually isn’t high on the list of priorities for the grieving relatives. Also, I could tell a few stories about the NDP and dirty politicking. Kettles and pots, guys.


Finally, Afghanistan. Here, an actual area of policy difference. Except, Jack didn’t stand-up for peace. Is it peace to abandon the country to the warlords and let the Taliban return? There’s room for nuance here in revisiting an Afghanistan strategy that clearly isn’t working. But an immediate pullout like Jack demands? There is no black and white in foreign policy, or in governing, a lesson Jack didn’t learn on Toronto City Council.


We'll show voters what Jack Layton has accomplished as the Leader of the Effective Opposition - your NDP.


Actually, maybe I will send a cheque. Because off the top of my head, I can’t think of one thing and I’d love to know.


BTW Jack, the Liberal Party of Canada is coming out united and swinging next Monday. Remember all those people that lent you their votes? They’d like them back.

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3 comments:

Olaf said...

Wait a second,

Are you allowed to receive NDP memos? That seems unfair... in that I never thought of it before you. I imagine they're just filled with NDP-style insights, which are comedic gold to most of Canada. I mean, if Jack Layton says what he says to the rest of Canada, I couldn't imagine what he'd say to his supporters...

A BCer in Toronto said...

Oh, they're a laugh-riot Olaf and a treasure trove of comedic gold. I guess we could share, I'd say I'll take the ones mocking the Libs and you take the ones mocking the Cons, but I fear it wouldn't be a fair trade as the latter are few and far between. Anyway, subscribe on their Web site and you too can be entertained. Did you know Jack leaps over tall buildings filled with arrogant, corrupt Liberals in a single bound?

Anonymous said...

You sure get excited over fundraising pitches.