A source in Ottawa not pleased with the Conservative government's position on the scrapping of the mandatory long form census (I understand it's causing some dissension in the party ranks) has leaked me the latest set of talking points that PMO spokesperson Dmitri Soudas is expected to begin using in support of the government's position in the coming days. I fear they may prove frightfully persuasive.
***Talking PointsInternal Distribution Only, ConfidentialFrom: Dimitri Soudas, PMORe: Long form census, decision to make voluntary
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed country, I have onefinal thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with the long form census? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with the long form census! It does not make sense!Look at me. I'm the director of communications for the Prime Minister of Canada defending a major policy decision, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense!And so you have to remember, when you're in that voting booth deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed country, it does not make sense!If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must support scrapping the mandatory long form census!The defense rests.***