Shocking news: Taxpayer-funded fake lakes don't poll well

If you thought $1 billion seemed like a lot to spend on security for a three day conference, and that fake lakes probably won't go over with Mike from Canmore, well, you now have polling to confirm the readily obvious:

Echoing the criticism from opposition MPs about the ballooning costs of hosting the summits, more than two-thirds of Canadians said playing host to world leaders is a waste of money, according to an Ipsos Reid online poll conducted for Canada.com.

"Canadians look at this and say it's not worth the disruption. It's not worth the money. It's not even worth the prestige," said John Wright of Ipsos Reid.

For some reason the Province doesn't give any numbers, but I have a few from Ipsos. They report 68 per sent say the "money spent to host G-20 a 'Waste'" while just 32 per cent say "It's worth it." And on another issue, 75 per cent of Canadians want the federal government to cover the costs of non-insurable damage to businesses and residents caused by protesters.

When you don't know whether to laugh or cry, sometimes it's better to laugh. Or sing (thanks to Jennifer):

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The G20 boondoggle files: I shop at Crappy Tire and save Tony Clement $206,700

The Sun’s Greg Weston, who brought us news of the rapidly fluctuating in price Fake Lake ($2 million, $57,000, $500,000 but a bargain at any price) brings us news of more foolish Conservative over-spending and boondogglery:

For instance, taxpayers are shelling out $207,000 for 15 of what have to be the world's most expensive solar lights to illuminate the pathways at Deerhurst Resort, where the eight leaders are staying for one night.

While it is hard to believe this five-star resort had no path lights of its own, the federal contract assures us "this signature environmental project will contribute to the overall greening of the G8 summit."

And when the leaders have left the next day, the contractors have to dismantle the six-metre lights, and reinstall them somewhere in the nearby town of Huntsville.

Yes, that’s right; we’re paying $207,000 for solar lights to guide the way of the world leaders for one night. I know Stephen Harper’s Conservatives (pretend to) love Tim Horton’s but they don’t seem to share the same love for another Canadian institution: Canadian Tire.

Because as anyone who watches Canadian TV knows (Harper prefers American news), because they’ve seen all the incessant commercials, Noma Moon Rays will get the job done at a fraction of the price.

While the Nomas are good, since price is clearly no consideration here I’ll recommend the top of the line option from Westinghouse. A six-pack of high-out LED pagoda lights is just $99 at Canadian Tire.

Landslide Tony Clement needs 15 lights for Huntsville, so we’ll pick-up three of the six packs, which will run us $300 plus tax (hey, at least they beat they HST increase). That will leave us three lights to illuminate the shiny-new taxpayer-funded G8 toilet, about 20 kilometers down the road.

So that’s a grand-total savings for the government of $206,700. Why, that’s almost enough to may for one minute of G8/G20 security.

And did I mention you’ll also get Canadian Tire money?

You’re welcome, Tony.

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The Conservative $2 million fake lake comedy round-up

I could go on a rant about how the Conservative government building a $2 million fake lake inside the G20 media centre is a ridiculous waste of taxpayer dollars, particularly for a government that claims a reputation for fiscal prudence while running-up the biggest deficits in Canadian history. But it would be too easy. And besides, unless you’re a member of the Harper cabinet legally obligated to half-heartedly defend this stupidity, you agree with me already. Even Harper mentor and former Conservative campaign manager Tom Flanagan, asked to defend fakelake last night on Power and Politics, said flat-out “I can’t” and asked for the next question.

Therefore, I’m going to choose to see the fakelake as half full and look at this latest Conservative boondoggle as $2 million in economic stimulus for Canada’s comedians. Think of it as an Canada’s comedy action plan. In that spirit, I’ve scoured the interwebs and Twitter for the best in fakelake-related humour. Some is mine, some I’ll attribute, some I’ll shamelessly copy from others because they didn’t use digital locks.

• (JeffJedras) Look at it this way. #fakelake costs less than 9MGS (minutes of G8/20 security). It's practically a bargain!

• (JeffJedras) EXCLUSIVE! Video of $2 million Conservative #fakelake! Must credit Bourque!

• (Jeff Jedras) Oh, so it's a $2 million reflecting pool? I take it back, that's entirely different. Apologies.

• (From a friend in BC) I hope they start calling this scandal WaterG8

• (Jeff Jedras) Will half-baked #fakelake take the cake and be Harper's WaterG8? I don't wanna hate, but that’d be great

• (Jeff Jedras) Wanted: vendor to supply mosquitoes, black flies for g20 media centre. Contract value $1.5 million. Ask for Tony.

• (JeffJedras) If we're modelling #g20 media centre after boat show, will there be #bustyhookers beside new boats in the #fakelake?

• (JeffJedras) "Siegfried, I know we wanted to go to Turkey for vacation this year. But I just saw this #fakelake on TV, so how about Canada?"

• (OttGuy) #G20 to feature less bank tax talk, more talk about fixing Greece's wild spending. I suspect a fake Atlantis idea from Flaherty.

• (OttGuy) Harper rejects calls for more funding for arid poverty stricken Africa. "What do they expect us to do for them, build them a #fakelake?"

• (OttGuy) Truly Canadian sounds will be piped into #fakelake for international journalists. Loons, wolves and audio of all of John Baird's hissy fits.

• OttGuy) They wanted to build dykes around #fakelake but the #CPC were concerned this might offend some of their base.

• (PMOHarper)If I had 2 million dollars (If I had 2 million dollars) I'd buy me a lake (but not a real lake, that's cruel)

• (PMO Harper) It's not a #fakelake, it's a reflecting pool. Muskoka is world renowned for its reflecting pools.

• (ChrisInKW)It's a much-needed shot in the arm for the #fakelake industry... er...

• (confute) I hope Peter MacKay's #fakedog isn't allowed in the #fakelake

• (ThePMSaidSo) You might be mocking the #fakelake now, but when I send out that water-skiing squirrel, you'll all be thanking Big Steve.

• (Lucers) I assume there is some kind of tax credit for first time homeowners who want to have a #fakelake put in?

• (unknown) If they're going to spend $2 billion on an artificial lake, the least they can do is pony up a few bucks more for a Splash Zone

• (Uranowski) Stephen Harper announces $1 Billion Fake Glacier plan to combat Global Warming.

• (unknown) just because we have so many real lakes doesn't mean we can't be leaders in the artificial waterbody industry

• (unknown) this will be a showcase 4 the Canadian #fakelake industry, who knows what business will be drummed up from this event

• (greg_elmer) zut! let's be proper Canadians please. #fauxlac #fakelake
  

Also, be sure to listen to CBC's audio of a scrum with Peter Kent, where the Conservative minister tried to defend the fake lake. My favourite part? When a reporter is heard to say "oh, come on!"

And check out the Message Event Proposal the Conservatives filed for the G8/G20. Looks like they're right on track!

CANADA's BACK!

Also look at the great media that Canada's Rapidly Aging Government is getting for us in the foreign press:

CNN: Canadian lawmakers slam plan to build $2 million fake lake for G20
LA Times: Canada spends nearly $2 million on fake lake inside G-20 and G-8 media center
Huffington Post: Canada Builds Fake Lake For G-8 Summit: $2 Million Expense Draws Criticism

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Introducing the MGS: Minute of G8/G20 Security

Forget using dollars as the unit of measurement for how much the Conservative government is spending, or cutting from its substantial deficit. That's living in the past, man. Or woman. The new unit of measurement should be the MGS, or Minute of G8/G20 security.

It's simple. Well, not really, but it's not too complicated. The G20 conference will last three days, and the Conservatives are spending $1 billion on security (nearly five times what they originally budgeted).

That's $333,333,333 and change per day.

$13,888,888 per hour.

Or, $231,481 per minute.

Therefore, 1MGS (one minute of G8/G20 security) is equivalent to $231,484 in Canadian currency. To find the MGS, divide the dollar amount by $231,484.

I think it's only appropriate that, going forward, any time the Conservatives announce spending cuts or shiny new spending programs for supposed policy priorities, the value be reported in MGS.

For example, today the Conservatives announced legislation that will take away old age pension benefits from federal prisoners incarcerated for a term of two or more years. The much ballyhooed move by the tough on crime Conservatives will save the taxpayers 8.6MGS annually. If the provinces step in, it would rise to 43MGS.

Meanwhile, the Conservatives seem unwilling, following the release of an Oliphant Inquiry report that was as scathing on Brian Mulroney as the very narrow mandate that Stephen Harper wrote allowed him to be, to demand that Mulroney be forced to pay back the 9MGS for the libels settlement he should have gotten, along with the 6.9MGS in legal fees. Plus interest. That's at least 16 minutes of G20 security that the government could recoup right there!

Meanwhile, how would you better spend one billion dollars? The Star has a few ideas.

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G20 billion-dollar boondoggle: A picture is worth $794 million

Sometimes a picture is really worth a thousand words.

Or, in this case, $794 million (and counting):

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